Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, guys and gals, ladies and men, cats and dogs, gather round! For last night we had a team take home the big bacon! That’s right The Music Industry won the OH SHIT CHALLENGE!!!
The air was pulsing with electricity as the trash talk began. Tom Dunlap the captain of challenging team, Musical Megawatt sensation Wonderland, began by complimenting TMI for being “Almost The Wrath good.” Tom went on the talk about how TMI was a wonderful example of how if you work real hard at the Magnet you’ll eventually date someone who teaches there. Kevin Cobbs would not be deterred or distracted and ended his glorious trash talk run by pointing out that Musical improv had everything that improv had (privileged whites dicking around on stage) but with singing. He then tried to name some funny musicals but was only able to produce Nazi ridden adventure tale “The Sound of Music.”
AND THEN THE IMPROV BEGAN!!!
Wonderland was up first and chose the Dumb challenge of Transaction: Every scene in your show is someone buying a pair of pants. Wonderland then launched into a marvelous musical milieux of the dangers of Black Friday. AND DANGEROUS IT WAS! There songs and scenes spanned a young nerdy boy at Abercrombie and Fitch who had a strange (and quite uncomfortable) relationship with his mother to the highs of murder and the lows of remorse. There set even included Christopher Walken and Samuel L. Jackson starring in a chilling (and brief) anti-hope propaganda film. All in all Wonderland set was magical but would it be enough to take down the Juggernaut of…
THE MUSIC INDUSTRY who was forced to choose none other than the dreaded, the beloved, the bedazzling OH SHIT! Challenge! And it was a juicy challenge indeed! For it was Clementines: Here are 20 pounds of Clementines, you have to eat more of them in a twenty minute span that world champion eater Yasir Salem. And to make things more interesting TMI could only eat while they were in a scene while great gurgatator Yasir could just chow down on the citrusy treats. AND SO IT BEGAN! With a EMT standing by (as we legally had to have) TMI began eating with great ferver, but as the scenes wore on and the massive masses of mushy pulp settled surreptitiously on their stomaches their eating slowed significantly. There set revolved around a local Louisiana town who had their own Vienna boys choir, loved attending funerals, and was worried about the effects of “reverse scurvy.” While Yasir noshed with no need to reduce his speed, TMI had to occasionally slow their eating especially when those pesky clementines just wouldn’t stay in their stomaches. Regardless of the regurgitation, the clementines they wasted by squeezing the juice on poor Hannah Chase, and their anger with god (Rick) for making them do this in the first place, in the end they pulled ahead of Yasir and won the eat off 54-57!!!!
So there you have it, another OH SHIT! Champion (the second for both Dennis Pacheco and Pheobe Tyers). But fear not friends! While the orange smell in the Magnet may linger for only a few weeks, INSPIRADO will return in December for a run of specialty shows called Desperado! So keep your ears to the ground and your eyes in the sky and remember you can only catch action like this Thursdays at 11pm at the Magnet Theater at the one and only INSPIRADDDDDDDDOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!