DE-SPIRADO! Everyone vs. Branson Reese Recap

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Against all odds Branson Reese triumphed over the entire Magnet Theater!!!

The beginning of the month long De-Spirado events started off with some fierce trash talk. First, Kevin Cobbs stated to things we all know to be true. 1) Branson Reese is the worst person at the Magnet 2) Fuck that guy. Reese fired back saying that God should forgive the Magnet theater for they know not what they do to go against a man like Branson Reese.

THEN THE GAME WAS ON!

First the rag tag group of Magnet theater vets was up and they chose the Physical Challenge of Dungeon: Your whole set is a mono-scene which takes place in a dungeon, each character is chained in a different way. And what a dungeon it was!!!! Not only did we follow a dear married couple who got turned around and ended up chained together in a dungeon filled with people all from different parts of England. But we also met Skort! Who was a real complain-y son of a bitch. Whilst everyone was being turtured they also got to enjoy a round of “give everyone a nick name” hosted by a man on the rack who had a rat gnawing out of his crotch. While the doormaster tried to master the door, the silent twins decided they liked pumpkins. Branson Reese made a cameo as a real dickbag and turtured some people of his own. At the end of the day a song coxed the rat out of Don’s crotch and they all lived happily ever after.

Then it was on to Branson Reese.

On a side note, that guy is a real a-hole am I right?

Anywho! He selected the nerdy challenge of Pan: Do a one man version of the live Peter Pan that was airing simultaneously on NBC. Oh and what a rendition it was! It of course featured the classic Peter Pan style of every character constantly reminding the audience of who they were and saying what all the other characters were saying. We were reminded that the father of the family is the worst guy ever, and that when you really look at it Peter abducts three children from their home and takes them to a pirate infested island. Then we met Captain Hook who never let us forget that not only did he want a child dead but he (Christopher Walken) had murdered Natalie Wood in the 70s and gotten away with it. After the audience revived Tinker Bell with a rather long applause break, Christopher Walken, who had momentarily wandered off set, returned and killed Allison Williams! But the murder was quickly avenged by the crocodile who stealthy killed Walken and turned the night into his one man show!

All and all it was a thrilling night but evil won and Branson took home the prize of half a piece of cornbread lovingly donated by the beautiful Elena Skopetos!

Join us next week for more fun, crazy, wacky challenges that you can only find at DESPIRRRRRRRRRRRRADO!!!

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