Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages, gather ’round and gather close for your old Uncle Inspirado has a yarn to spin ya’ ’bout a young woman who’s making quite a splash. That’s right folks Pepita lies only two wins away from the Oh Shit challenge.
Last night she took on Old Man Time who gave her a run for her money. Trash talk was short and sweet with Steve Capps of Old Man Time simply saying that Pepita was young, beautiful, talented, and should therefore go fuck herself. Pepita responded with a sobering soliloquy about how life was fleeting, death was near, and how therefore she would like to go second.
And so Old Man Time went first!!
The slow moving team at first tried to choose the challenge of Football Game, when it was explained to them that football game was not a challenge, they went with the Dumb challenge of Crop Top: In every scene one member of your team is wearing a crop top that they want everyone to talk about but all characters are forbidden from talking about the crop top! Their show revolved heavily around the titular crop top, in that the one old man who had it on demanded the others speak about it. The top went through a series of nomenclature during the show including; half-shirt and dumb crop top. It was also revealed that one member of this old man motley crew had, only a mere 13 years ago, woken up from a 13 year long coma! It took him awhile to get acclimated to current times and to learn that his friend giggles had, in the mid 1990s gotten killed in Vietnam after doing a 69. It took the old men awhile to discern if doing the 69 before going to Vietnam had in any way impacted his decision to go Vietnam or his resulting death. Old Man Jimmy explained that the only real correlation he was aware of was the fact that after he ate a croissant he would do a cartwheel. He then very slowly ate a croissant and then even more slowly did a cartwheel. He told his friends not to help him if he seemed to be hurt until he counted to three and, even though he was shrieking in pain, they still obeyed his command. The night ended with Old Man Diego sharing the fact that he kind of enjoyed being in a coma.
Then Pepita took the stage.
Pepita, after some confusion about what challenges she had left, chose the Stylistic Challenge of The Bat: Your set tonight will be in complete darkness! Then the lights went out! Pepita began by stating that tonight would be “Pepita’s Scary theater” then she started doing a Zoo scene. Both those ideas were quickly abandoned and she decided to do a nightmare, which revolved around interviewing a member of the audience. We then met John Ross, who grew up in Huntsville Alabama, was a graphic designer, a person of color, and was dating a lovely girl named Paula. Paula was attending the show and Pepita asked if they were currently fooling around in the dark. Once she learned that Paula lived in New Jersey and John in New York, she said they should take every opportunity they had to fool around. Pepita then did some improv. She enlisted audience member Caitlin Stietzer to do a scene about race that took place in a Starbucks. This was followed by Pepita enlisting yet another audience volunteer, Rosie, to do a scene about web design. The two characters in this scene did not get along. Pepita really wanted to show her coworker pictures of her dick. She demanded her coworker’s snapchat name and promptly sent her a picture of her ass. That scene ended with Rosie’s character agreeing to go to a show at the Magnet and makeout. The show ended with a very intimate interview with Elise. The interview started pretty normal but ended up covering, virginity, first kisses, and first orgasms.
Pepita once again came out on top and marches on towards her Oh Shit Challenge. Next week she will take on Andy Moskowitz and Kelly Donahue of AK-47. Will she inch ever closer to Oh Shit? Find out at the Magnet Theater next week at 11pm only at IIIIIIINNNNNNNNSSSSSPPPPPPIIIIIIRRRRRAAAADDDDOOOOO!!!!!!