A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Pepita has taken 999 one mile long steps and now lies a mere step-mile away from the Oh Shit challenge. That’s right cat’s and kittens, dog’s and boys, Pepita defeated AK-47 last night and butt scooted ever closer to the Oh Shit challenge.
Trash talk was multilingual, as Andy Moskowitz of Ak-47 did most of his trash talking in Spanish, which he assumed was Pepita’s native tounge. Now as your ol’ Uncle Inspirado doesn’t speak spanish, but I’ll do my best to recap. He said something about being banned from Wal-Mart, something about a baby with Downs Syndrome, and something about being the worst part of Ariana Grande. Pepita responded by saying it was strange he brought up Downs Syndrome, that she was hungry, and also that she was tired.
Then it was provy Mcprovin time.
Ak-47 was up first and they chose the Nerdy Challenge of A Bunch of Alfreds: You are not super heroes but rather your set tonight is a gathering of their non-super helpers. Before they began they asked if Alfred had to be in their set (the answer was no) and who the man who ran the daily planet was (the answer was Perry White). Alfred figured heavily in their set and Perry White failed to make an appearance. The set mainly featured a group therapy session between Alfred Pennyworth and Wonder Woman’s sassy friend Tabitha, who spent the whole set calling Wonder Woman “Wonder” and not her actual name “Diana”. That seemed pretty strange to your Ol’ Uncle Inspirado, but I don’t wanna start any beef with Ak-47’s Kelly Donahue. ANYWAY! Over the course of the set we learned many things, like how Batman and Wonder Woman had become engaged to the chagrin of Alfred and Tabitha, how in an attempt to stop that marriage Tabitha had lezzed out with Wonder (but only waist up stuff, which still counts), and how Alfred had a major issue not constantly reminding Batman that both his parents had been shot in the face. We also learned that Alfred and Batman had had their own one night stand, which was extra creepy because Alfred is like Batman’s father. Also Alfred has Bell’s Palsy. Then we all sat back with a glass of warm cherry and a Turkish delight and watched Pepita take the stage!
Pepita chose the Physical Challenge of Booty on the Ground: For your entire set your butt must be in contact with some part of the Magnet Stage. And butt scoot she did! Oh the Butt scooting was glorious, simply glorious! She got the suggestion of Splinter and it reminded her of how some person had recently talked to her about how Splinter was a great teacher to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles because he let them make and learn from their own mistakes. Your Ol’ Uncle Inspirado doesn’t know who that person was but it was probably a real smart guy, sounds handsome too. ANYWAY! She decided her set would be about teachers and interviewed audience member Sandip about one of his favorite teachers. He talked about an english teacher he had had who was tough but fair yet got fired because some student complained to the PTA about her being too difficult. Pepita was flabbergasted that the PTA would give teenagers such power. Pepita also found out that the teacher in question taught at the same high school that the first gay man Pepita ever dated (who later got Lyme’s disease from getting a tick while having sex in the woods) had attended. CRAZY! So then Pepita did some improv where we learned about Marissa, a high schooler who hated Leaves of Grass and just wanted to do theater scenes. The character of Sandip had a crush on this Marissa but failed to gain purchase in her heart. We flashed back and forth between school and a sleepover where Marissa complained about Leaves of Grass. Let your Ol’ Uncle Inspirado remind you that Pepita was doing all of this while butt scooting around the Magnet stage. She ended the night with mentioning downs syndrome, staring daggers at Andy Moskowitz, and then revealing that one of the characters had been poor this whole time!
When the dust settled and the votes were counted Pepita won in a squeeker. She managed, by a slim margin, to come one step closer to OH SHIT! Next week she will take on Friday Night Show for a spot in the most coveted of challenges. Will she do it? Can she make the last leap? Will Rick Andrews be there? Does he read this? Find out next week, 11pm, only at the Magnet theater, only on IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSSSPPPPPPPPPIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAADDDDDDDOOOOOOO!!!11!!!!1!!1