Ladies and Gentlemen…boys…girls…pigs…male pigs…transgender pigs…everyone! Everyone gather around this warm fire and let ol’ Uncle Inspirado spin ya’ a yarn. This yarn is long and growing longer by the day, and this yarn ain’t even finished yet, for this yarn is about a lady named Pepita, and she my friends is moving on to the Oh Shit challenge in just two little ol’ weeks.
This night began as any other night. With trash talk. Matt Weir of Friday Night Sh*w took an interesting strategy claiming that there were 5 members of FNS present at the show and that five fingers make a fist and therefore they were going to fist Pepita. Pepita responded by simply pointing out what a disturbing image it was of the five of them fisting her naked body.
FNS then chose the dumb challenge of This Never Happens: In every scene in your set, someone must have an orgasm. And orgasm they did! Oh my what orgasms there were, your Ol’ Uncle Inspirado has nerry seen so many orgasms in a single improv show. Why it began before they even started improvising Andrew Yurman Glaser jerked Matt Weir off while he was getting the suggestion. Once they started improvising the orgasms flowed like high tide at the Baywatch set. Things began with Pamela Anderson giving the eulogy at Tom Selleck’s funeral. Which of course lead to Tom Selleck and his brother in a flashback scene rubbing their dicks together until they both came.
Then a dog came on Andrew Yurman Glaser’s leg.
After that we saw a barber shop that employed Jenna Jameson to have sex with the special customers. She barely needed any help having an orgasm, why she did it all by herself. It is here that your Ol’ Uncle Inspirado would like to mention that there were two teenage age boys in the audience this night. Anyway, we then met a lovely couple, one of whom had dead black shark eyes and could only get hard if Baywatch Nights was on. Once he threw on some sunglasses he got his rocks off right there on stage. Then some more orgasm happened.
Then Pepita with a loping gate took the stage. She selected her final remaining category, Individual, the challenge was Call Me, Yes: Your set tonight is a phone conversation with someone from Elana Fishbein’s phone as Pepita. With an oddly specific challenge she at first decided to call her mom, who wasn’t home. Then, once some technical issues were ironed out she called Elana Fishbein’s childhood friend Ryan. At first the two merely caught up, we learned that Ryan was approaching his ten year anniversary with his partner Jason. He was thinking about getting married but didn’t want to just because the government told him it was suddenly okay. As things went on the conversation between the old friends got increasingly intense. We slowly learned of past slights and grudges between the two. There was even a time when she put his name on a paper she wrote so he would get credit, then later that same day he called her a lesbian in gym class! One revelation followed another until we got to the biggest of them all:
PEPITA AND ELANA FISHBEIN ARE THE SAME PERSON!
This came from Pepita’s own mouth so it must be true. The revelation sent shockwaves through the theater. That was until we learned that Ryan had at one point in high school considered suicide until he realized that if he followed through Elana wouldn’t have any friends. Yes, your Ol’ Uncle Inspirado agrees, things did indeed get very intense. At the end of the day it was quite clear that these two were old good friends. All this lead to the satisfying conclusion that all the cool people Ryan wanted to be friends with in high school were just boring people living in New Jersey and Elana had grown into an awesome comedian.
And after the votes were counted Pepita…or eh…Elana…or Pepita…AH! Who knows! She won, she’s going on to OH SHIT! The culmination of 8 amazing weeks of performance. Join us won’t you? On April 16th (that’s two weeks folks) as she takes on Megawatt Mavens Metal Boy in her Oh Shit Challenge! Reserve your tickets soon gang because it’s sure to sell out. You can reserve the whole seat, but YOU’LL ONLY NEED THE EDGE!!!