Pepita Takes Down FNS Marches on to OH SHIT!!!

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Ladies and Gentlemen…boys…girls…pigs…male pigs…transgender pigs…everyone! Everyone gather around this warm fire and let ol’ Uncle Inspirado spin ya’ a yarn. This yarn is long and growing longer by the day, and this yarn ain’t even finished yet, for this yarn is about a lady named Pepita, and she my friends is moving on to the Oh Shit challenge in just two little ol’ weeks.

This night began as any other night. With trash talk. Matt Weir of Friday Night Sh*w took an interesting strategy claiming that there were 5 members of FNS present at the show and that five fingers make a fist and therefore they were going to fist Pepita. Pepita responded by simply pointing out what a disturbing image it was of the five of them fisting her naked body.

FNS then chose the dumb challenge of This Never Happens: In every scene in your set, someone must have an orgasm. And orgasm they did! Oh my what orgasms there were, your Ol’ Uncle Inspirado has nerry seen so many orgasms in a single improv show. Why it began before they even started improvising Andrew Yurman Glaser jerked Matt Weir off while he was getting the suggestion. Once they started improvising the orgasms flowed like high tide at the Baywatch set. Things began with Pamela Anderson giving the eulogy at Tom Selleck’s  funeral. Which of course lead to Tom Selleck and his brother in a flashback scene rubbing their dicks together until they both came.

Then a dog came on Andrew Yurman Glaser’s leg.

After that we saw a barber shop that employed Jenna Jameson to have sex with the special customers. She barely needed any help having an orgasm, why she did it all by herself. It is here that your Ol’ Uncle Inspirado would like to mention that there were two teenage age boys in the audience this night. Anyway, we then met a lovely couple, one of whom had dead black shark eyes and could only get hard if Baywatch Nights was on. Once he threw on some sunglasses he got his rocks off right there on stage. Then some more orgasm happened.

Then Pepita with a loping gate took the stage. She selected her final remaining category, Individual, the challenge was Call Me, Yes: Your set tonight is a phone conversation with someone from Elana Fishbein’s phone as Pepita. With an oddly specific challenge she at first decided to call her mom, who wasn’t home. Then, once some technical issues were ironed out she called Elana Fishbein’s childhood friend Ryan. At first the two merely caught up, we learned that Ryan was approaching his ten year anniversary with his partner Jason. He was thinking about getting married but didn’t want to just because the government told him it was suddenly okay. As things went on the conversation between the old friends got increasingly intense. We slowly learned of past slights and grudges between the two. There was even a time when she put his name on a paper she wrote so he would get credit, then later that same day he called her a lesbian in gym class! One revelation followed another until we got to the biggest of them all:

PEPITA AND ELANA FISHBEIN ARE THE SAME PERSON!

This came from Pepita’s own mouth so it must be true. The revelation sent shockwaves through the theater. That was until we learned that Ryan had at one point in high school considered suicide until he realized that if  he followed through Elana wouldn’t have any friends. Yes, your Ol’ Uncle Inspirado agrees, things did indeed get very intense. At the end of the day it was quite clear that these two were old good friends. All this lead to the satisfying conclusion that all the cool people Ryan wanted to be friends with in high school were just boring people living in New Jersey and Elana had grown into an awesome comedian.

And after the votes were counted Pepita…or eh…Elana…or Pepita…AH! Who knows! She won, she’s going on to OH SHIT! The culmination of 8 amazing weeks of performance. Join us won’t you? On April 16th (that’s two weeks folks) as she takes on Megawatt Mavens Metal Boy in her Oh Shit Challenge! Reserve your tickets soon gang because it’s sure to sell out. You can reserve the whole seat, but YOU’LL ONLY NEED THE EDGE!!!

Inspirado Preview: Pepita Vs. Friday Night Sh*w

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“Every great work, every big accomplishment, has been brought into manifestation through holding to the vision, and often just before the big achievement, comes apparent failure and discouragement.”

-Florence Scovel Shinn

Pepita lies one win away from an Oh Shit! Challenge…ONE FUCKING WIN! FUCK GUYS! I MEAN COME ON! What more could you people want? Oh let me guess, a really good team for her to go up against? WELL HOW ABOUT ALL STAR TEAM THE MOTHER FUCKING FRIDAY NIGHT SH*W!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean Jesus fucking Christ! What more could you people ask for?! Huh!? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM US! We’re trying as hard as we can! We can’t try any harder! Just come! You’re not doing anything else. Just come to the show and sit back and enjoy it. Why do you refuse to be entertained! Fine, just don’t go. I don’t give a shit…please come.

Inspirado 3/26 Recap: Pepita Shoots Down AK-47!

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A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Pepita has taken 999 one mile long steps and now lies a mere step-mile away from the Oh Shit challenge. That’s right cat’s and kittens, dog’s and boys, Pepita defeated AK-47 last night and butt scooted ever closer to the Oh Shit challenge.

Trash talk was multilingual, as Andy Moskowitz of Ak-47 did most of his trash talking in Spanish, which he assumed was Pepita’s native tounge. Now as your ol’ Uncle Inspirado doesn’t speak spanish, but I’ll do my best to recap. He said something about being banned from Wal-Mart, something about a baby with Downs Syndrome, and something about being the worst part of Ariana Grande. Pepita responded by saying it was strange he brought up Downs Syndrome, that she was hungry, and also that she was tired.

Then it was provy Mcprovin time.

Ak-47 was up first and they chose the Nerdy Challenge of A Bunch of Alfreds: You are not super heroes but rather your set tonight is a gathering of their non-super helpers. Before they began they asked if Alfred had to be in their set (the answer was no) and who the man who ran the daily planet was (the answer was Perry White). Alfred figured heavily in their set and Perry White failed to make an appearance. The set mainly featured a group therapy session between Alfred Pennyworth and Wonder Woman’s sassy friend Tabitha, who spent the whole set calling Wonder Woman “Wonder” and not her actual name “Diana”. That seemed pretty strange to your Ol’ Uncle Inspirado, but I don’t wanna start any beef with Ak-47’s Kelly Donahue. ANYWAY! Over the course of the set we learned many things, like how Batman and Wonder Woman had become engaged to the chagrin of Alfred and Tabitha, how in an attempt to stop that marriage Tabitha had lezzed out with Wonder (but only waist up stuff, which still counts), and how Alfred had a major issue not constantly reminding Batman that both his parents had been shot in the face. We also learned that Alfred and Batman had had their own one night stand, which was extra creepy because Alfred is like Batman’s father. Also Alfred has Bell’s Palsy. Then we all sat back with a glass of warm cherry and a Turkish delight and watched Pepita take the stage!

Pepita chose the Physical Challenge of Booty on the Ground: For your entire set your butt must be in contact with some part of the Magnet Stage. And butt scoot she did! Oh the Butt scooting was glorious, simply glorious! She got the suggestion of Splinter and it reminded her of how some person had recently talked to her about how Splinter was a great teacher to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles because he let them make and learn from their own mistakes. Your Ol’ Uncle Inspirado doesn’t know who that person was but it was probably a real smart guy, sounds handsome too. ANYWAY! She decided her set would be about teachers and interviewed audience member Sandip about one of his favorite teachers. He talked about an english teacher he had had who was tough but fair yet got fired because some student complained to the PTA about her being too difficult. Pepita was flabbergasted that the PTA would give teenagers such power. Pepita also found out that the teacher in question taught at the same high school that the first gay man Pepita ever dated (who later got Lyme’s disease from getting a tick while having sex in the woods) had attended. CRAZY! So then Pepita did some improv where we learned about Marissa, a high schooler who hated Leaves of Grass and just wanted to do theater scenes. The character of Sandip had a crush on this Marissa but failed to gain purchase in her heart. We flashed back and forth between school and a sleepover where Marissa complained about Leaves of Grass. Let your Ol’ Uncle Inspirado remind you that Pepita was doing all of this while butt scooting around the Magnet stage. She ended the night with mentioning downs syndrome, staring daggers at Andy Moskowitz, and then revealing that one of the characters had been poor this whole time!

When the dust settled and the votes were counted Pepita won in a squeeker. She managed, by a slim margin, to come one step closer to OH SHIT! Next week she will take on Friday Night Show for a spot in the most coveted of challenges. Will she do it? Can she make the last leap? Will Rick Andrews be there? Does he read this? Find out next week, 11pm, only at the Magnet theater, only on IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSSSPPPPPPPPPIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAADDDDDDDOOOOOOO!!!11!!!!1!!1

 

Inpirado Preview Pepita Takes on AK-47

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“The negative side is that sometimes it is beyond control.”
-Mikhail Kalashnikov (Inventor of the AK-47)

Pepita is a mere two wins away from an OH SHIT! Challenge. However the killing power of an AK-47 stands in her way. How can they stop her? What tricks will they pull? Were they really invented by a old Russian man? Kelly and Andy will have to pull out every bullet out of there bandolier in order to take down one woman battle cruiser, the USS Pepita! So join us tonight 11pm only at the Magnet Theater only at INNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSPPPPPPPPPPPPPIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDOOOOOOO!!!!

Darkness be Damned! Pepita Wins week 6!

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Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages, gather ’round and gather close for your old Uncle Inspirado has a yarn to spin ya’ ’bout a young woman who’s making quite a splash. That’s right folks Pepita lies only two wins away from the Oh Shit challenge.

Last night she took on Old Man Time who gave her a run for her money. Trash talk was short and sweet with Steve Capps of Old Man Time simply saying that Pepita was young, beautiful, talented, and should therefore go fuck herself. Pepita responded with a sobering soliloquy about how life was fleeting, death was near, and how therefore she would like to go second.

And so Old Man Time went first!!

The slow moving team at first tried to choose the challenge of Football Game, when it was explained to them that football game was not a challenge, they went with the Dumb challenge of Crop Top: In every scene one member of your team is wearing a crop top that they want everyone to talk about but all characters are forbidden from talking about the crop top! Their show revolved heavily around the titular crop top, in that the one old man who had it on demanded the others speak about it. The  top went through a series of nomenclature during the show including; half-shirt and dumb crop top. It was also revealed that one member of this old man motley crew had, only a mere 13 years ago, woken up from a 13 year long coma! It took him awhile to get acclimated to current times and to learn that his friend giggles had, in the mid 1990s gotten killed in Vietnam after doing a 69. It took the old men awhile to discern if doing the 69 before going to Vietnam had in any way impacted his decision to go Vietnam or his resulting death. Old Man Jimmy explained that the only real correlation he was aware of was the fact that after he ate a croissant he would do a cartwheel. He then very slowly ate a croissant and then even more slowly did a cartwheel. He told his friends not to help him if he seemed to be hurt until he counted to three and, even though he was shrieking in pain, they still obeyed his command. The night ended with Old Man Diego sharing the fact that he kind of enjoyed being in a coma.

Then Pepita took the stage.

Pepita, after some confusion about what challenges she had left, chose the Stylistic Challenge of The Bat: Your set tonight will be in complete darkness! Then the lights went out! Pepita began by stating that tonight would be “Pepita’s Scary theater” then she started doing a Zoo scene. Both those ideas were quickly abandoned and she decided to do a nightmare, which revolved around interviewing a member of the audience. We then met John Ross, who grew up in Huntsville Alabama, was a graphic designer, a person of color, and was dating a lovely girl named Paula. Paula was attending the show and Pepita asked if they were currently fooling around in the dark. Once she learned that Paula lived in New Jersey and John in New York, she said they should take every opportunity they had to fool around. Pepita then did some improv. She enlisted audience member Caitlin Stietzer to do a scene about race that took place in a Starbucks. This was followed by Pepita enlisting yet another audience volunteer,  Rosie, to do a scene about web design. The two characters in this scene did not get along. Pepita really wanted to show her coworker pictures of her dick. She demanded her coworker’s snapchat name and promptly sent her a picture of her ass. That scene ended with Rosie’s character agreeing to go to a show at the Magnet and makeout. The show ended with a very intimate interview with Elise. The interview started pretty normal but ended up covering, virginity, first kisses, and first orgasms.

Pepita once again came out on top and marches on towards her Oh Shit Challenge. Next week she will take on Andy Moskowitz and Kelly Donahue of AK-47. Will she inch ever closer to Oh Shit? Find out at the Magnet Theater next week at 11pm only at IIIIIIINNNNNNNNSSSSSPPPPPPIIIIIIRRRRRAAAADDDDOOOOO!!!!!!

Inspirado 3/19 Preview: Pepita Vs. Old Man Time

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Who’s on fire? Who’s on Fire? Who’s on, Who’s on, Who’s on fire? Pepita! That’s who! She is burning up all competitors and lies only 3 wins away from an Oh Shit Challenge! Standing in her way this week is Indie team Old Man Time. They are a bloodthirsty team out for blood who drink blood and blood blood blood blood blood. They are a group of men who embrace the future that one day we will all grow old and have to truly face our own past. Will you face this with them? Thursday 11pm Magnet Theater only at IIIIIIINNNNNSSSSSPPPPPPIIIIIRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDOOOOOO!!!!

3/12/14 Recap: PEPITA DANCES INTO HEARTS, PAST THE WRATH!

IMG_3835An epic night of epic Inspirado!  The trash talk was long and unforgettable, with The Wrath‘s Ross Taylor breaking down and beseeching the Inspirado gods to let him go the distance in his 11th Inspirado run.  Pepita created names for each member of the Wrath‘s potential 1 person shows.  E.g.: Mike Dwyer’s “Tucked In: A Shirt Tale”.

The sets matched the talk as The Wrath went first and chose Stylistic and received Director’s Commentary: One member of your team must provide director’s commentary for each sceneThe Wrath wove an epic tale of woodpeckers, escapes on skates, and cops who didn’t understand numbers above 20, all while accompanied by rye and observant commentary, letting us know which lines were “improvised” and which takes should have been cut from the film.  Even auteur Woody Allen joined to show us his favorite scene from the film.

Pepita then took the stage and she selected Artsy and received Ballet: Your show is a ballet.  A simple but difficult challenge, Pepita rose to the occasion, performing an epic dance version of Cinderella + many many many extra horses.  There were sweeping dances, carriage dances, and a cameo by the couple form Pulp Fiction.  Cinderella was united with the prince, only for both to be murdered by a horse with a gun, who proceeded to dance on their corpses.

When the votes were said and tallied, Pepita took a close Inspirado match for her 5th straight victory.  Next week she’ll face another stylized team: A Group of Dad’s at A Bar in what is sure to be an Inspirado for the ages Inspiradoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!